


The V(oltron)-Files

by glassarrow



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Galra Keith (Voltron), Have never written smut probs never will, Multi, No Smut, Shallura are the MIB, Trans Pidge, hunk and lance tag along for the memez, i'm ~ace~ lads, keith and pidge are conspiracy bros, the kidge is more platonic/queerplatonic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 07:13:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8965420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glassarrow/pseuds/glassarrow
Summary: Keith and Pidge became internet friends through their mutual love of conspiracy theories and distrust of the government (and individual ongoing searches for aliens). Little do they know, that aliens are closer than they think.
This comic is loosely based on a fucking hilarious comic I found. Don't take me seriously pls. Memes and bad conspiracy jokes abound. Shiro is perpetually disturbed by Keith's reaction to finding out he's an alien.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Yule present for faerieprincen on tumblr. Based loosely on this comic: http://lokh.tumblr.com/post/152108327775/an-au-without-voltron-and-without-aliens-or-are

(Pidge) **Pidgeot:** Stll no upd8s on wow signal

(Hunk) **ImALeg:** No one’s heard anything new on that for decades. Why are you surprised

**Pidgeot:** Dude! biggest best sign of aliens in our lifeime ofc i care

(Keith) **KoGone:** Seriously, dude. The Wow! signal is amazing, but did you hear the rumors about that secret black ops facility near me? Someone posted a picture of a weird glowing meteor, and apparently the site got swamped by suits in less than 20 minutes. I might actually be on to something here!

**Pidgeot:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**KoGone:** My roommates might know something about it, but they’re total Scullys, so even if they did, they wouldn’t tell me.

(Lance) **Lancelot:** Sounds a little too MIB to believe tbh

**Pidgeot:** U were the one pushing sneeple (snake people) ysterday u don’t get 2 talk

**Lancelot:** C’mon Pidge. I want to Believe.

**Pidgeot: ...**

**KoGone:** The government workers are back.

**ImALeg:** Say hi for us!

**Pidgeot:** Ge t that info!!!!!!

* * *

Keith sat back from the computer, the soft murmur of voices from the front hallway, carrying him out of his room and into the small kitchen. Shiro looked more tired than usual. Allura stood tall and graceful beside him, rubbing deep soothing circles into the place where the skin of his right arm melted into metal. The experimental prosthetic had an eerie sort of purple glow about it today, definitely not helping quiet Keith’s suspicions about who was funding it and where they got their tech.

“Hey Keith! How’s the research going?” Keith smiled at that. Shiro’s smile was a little crooked, his eyes tight around the edges. Leaning against the wall, Keith stared as nonchalantly as possible at Shiro.

“Fine. How’s yours?” Shiro hesitated for just a moment, a millisecond really, but Keith’s eyes focused tighter on his face, watching his expression for any kind of mistake.

“I mean, it was tune-up day, so not much work on my part, mostly Allura and everyone else making sure this thing keeps going.” Shiro waved the prosthetic airily above his head. Keith only watched it loosely, his dark brown eyes catching on the shakiness of Shiro’s laughter lines and the slight wariness in his eyes. His focus was broken when Allura popped her head over Shiro’s broad shoulders, eyeing him with all the gentleness of the tiger, and he merely hummed in response, internally cataloging the interaction for a later report to Pidge.

“So what’s for dinner then?” Shiro’s grin spread wide and genuine this time, and Keith smothered a snort, the difference from the fake smile was so obvious. Reaching behind him, Shiro produced a couple of boxes, and casually flipped the lid up one handed.

“Pizza night? We can watch whatever monster movie you want on Netflix?” Keith’s eyes narrowed just a bit, but the intoxicating scent of melted cheese and tangy pineapple won out over his bribery senses, and he opened a drawer to pull out the plates. Allura did not bother to smother her snort of amusement as she pulled away from Shiro to grab her own plate. Anchovies and pineapple. At least she knew no one would ever steal it. Keith didn’t wait for the other two to follow, didn’t even wait to sit down before flopping down on the couch, balancing his plate on the armrest. Shiro plopped down next to him and picked up the remote, casually flipping through channels with his left hand. (He’d tried it with the metal arm once and broke the remote. He had more practice with it now, but he was still a little nervous about using it.) Keith already had a mouthful of pizza, but that didn’t stop him from loudly voicing his opinions about Shiro’s options, much to Allura’s amusement. She flopped down on the other side of the couch. After gently setting her plate down, she toed off her shoes, and leaned heavily into the armrest, bare feet coming down to rest on Shiro’s lap. Keith smirked as Shiro fumbled with the remote, just the barest tinge of pink ghosting over the tips of his ears. Allura smirked back, reaching gracefully behind her to pull her pizza down into her lap. Shiro’s nose wrinkled.

“Babe, you know I’m not going to kiss you after you eat that, right?” Allura laughed, a light tinkling sound punctuated with a harsh snort as she swallowed her bite.

“Oh please. As if you could resist for more than 10 minutes.” Keith grumbled quietly, forcing his lips not to smile at the flustered deer in the headlights expression on Shiro’s face as Allura took another satisfied bite. With a sigh and a grumble, Shiro leaned over to her and gave her a quick peck on the lips before turning back to Keith and the monster movies.

“You two are gross.” Shiro smirked, all trace of embarrassment gone, and very pointedly staring over his shoulder at Keith, he leaned back towards Allura, his lips pursed tightly. 

“UUUUUUUUUGH” Keith groaned, “Stop it. It’s movie time.” He slapped Shiro’s arm lightly, the metal stinging his fingers slightly, but as he leaned back, the stinging didn’t end. Shiro had stopped. He and Allura were suddenly alert, the pizza forgotten, as they both stared in horror at Keith’s hand. Frowning, he glanced down.

“What the” The eerie purple glow was creeping up his arm. He couldn’t see his fingers anymore, and his elbow was just beginning to disappear in a purple haze. Leaping to his feet, he shook his arm wildly.

“Shiro! Shiro! What the HELL!” Stepping backwards, he slipped on his pizza, now smashed deeply into the rug. Shiro jumped up, hands outstretched. Keith’s arm was now glowing brightly all the way up to his shoulders, and he could feel the tingling creeping down his torso and up his neck. Sharp, splitting pain suddenly filled his jaw and the crown of his head, and he moved to grab his head, but his left arm wouldn’t move. In fact, he found he couldn’t move anything covered in the purple light. Terrified, he stared at Shiro, willing his jaw to move. His reflection stared at him from Shiro’s eyes, but it was more purple light than boy now. Allura was on the phone with someone. Keith hoped it was 911 or whatever weird company Shiro got the damn arm from in the first place. He felt his whole body lock up. He couldn’t move a muscle. Everything seemed to be going in slow motion around him, but that might have just been the adrenaline.

Then, just as suddenly as it had started the purple light blinked out, and Keith wobbled backwards, landing heavily on his back and cracking his head sharply on the wall.

“Owwwwwww” He moaned, though his mouth still ached, and his tongue felt weirdly big. Blinking, he stared up at Shiro and Allura who were both still frozen staring at him in shock. “Guys, seriously, what the hell was that?” Shiro shook his head slowly and turned to stare at Allura, his whole body stiffer and more serious than Keith had ever seen him. Keith could almost believe he’d been in the military right now, but his head still hurt enough to make his eyes water, and he reached up to touch it. There was a sharp moment of pain as he touched the edge of the aching spot, and he gingerly fingered it, searching for a wound while Shiro glared pointedly at the phone in Allura’s hand.

“Did they know this would happen? They said it was safe. What the FUCK, Allura. Get Coran on the phone right now.”

“What do you think I’m doing? Trust me there’s no way anyone could have predicted this. Galra radiation is completely harmless to humans. It wouldn’t have done anything unless... shit.” Keith narrowed his eyes at them, everything seemed weirdly bright, but he did not appreciate the stares they were giving him.

“What is Galra radiation? What did you do to me?” Shiro paused, clearly unsure of what to say. Allura moved faster, reaching forward and pulling Keith to his feet.

“Go to the bathroom. I’m calling Coran. I need to know what we can tell you, and what to do from here?” 

“Ha! I KNEW you guys were the Men in Black or some other shady organization.” Shiro slapped his forehead.

“Go. to. the bathroom. Keith. Now.” Keith raised his hands in agreement, wobbling towards the bathroom; his legs still felt a little numb. Grabbing the door handle without even looking, he pushed through to look into the mirror and stopped dead. Purple.

“I’m purple.” Keith stared at himself, orange, pupiless eyes stared back at him, blinking slowly in shock. His ears twitched. HIS EARS TWITCHED. “Oh god I have... cat? ears??? What the fu-” Keith burst out of the bathroom, sprinting for his room, only to slam the door just before Shiro and Allura got into the hallway. He bolted the door and skidded into his computer booting up the chat client as fast as he could.

“I’M AN ALIEN! ALIENS ARE REAL!!!”


End file.
